Saturday, April 30, 2005

Choices......Part Six

Lilly got in the house and headed straight up the stairs to the bar. She entered a huge room, known as a bonus or rumpus room back then, which had the bar, pool table and of course the TV and furniture. JoAnn was still asking her what happened.

As JoAnn poured a tequila for herself and Lilly, all Lilly would say was, "He is such an asshole. Said I just laid there." JoAnn decided it would take a couple of shots to get Lilly to spill. She figured she could maintain later.

Lilly began to cry. She told JoAnn what Jim had said and JoAnn tried to comfort Lilly. That was not going to happen. Lilly was not going to get over that kind of comment. JoAnn was pissed as well. She wanted to call Bob and tell him what Jim said. Lilly wouldn't let her and told JoAnn not to speak Jim's name again.

The girls shot some pool, drank more tequila and began laughing. JoAnn was thrilled to see Lilly come back to life. Lilly chose not to think about "him." After a couple of hours, they decided JoAnn should go home, since school was finally over. Lilly went to her room and stayed there until the next morning.

As Lilly showered and got ready for school, she was overcome with embarrassment. What if Jim had told some of their friends about the encounter yesterday? She would be called a slut, but not her face. She knew how it worked though. Now other guys would think she was easy and try to get her into bed. She decided to put that out of her mind. She was good at that.

Lilly met JoAnn at the park. The talked about how Lilly felt, as they walked to school. JoAnn told Lilly that she would be fine. The group of friends they were hanging around, were not like the goodie goodie girls at school. Lilly realized JoAnn was right and felt much better.

When they arrived at school, it was hard to go back to class. Cutting school was fun and Lilly preferred it to class. She decided to go to all her classes though. That was until a friend of hers told her that they were going to her house at lunch. Lilly went with her and JoAnn was already there when the couple arrived. As were about six other kids. They went into the house and turned on the stereo. It was so relaxing and fun. When JoAnn said it was time to go back to school, Lilly told her she was staying at the house. She told JoAnn she would meet her later, to walk home with her. JoAnn tried to get Lilly to go back to school, to no avail.

She felt safe inside the house. Candy got some wine out of her parents cabinet and they drank some. They watched some TV and then put on the stereo to dance. Lilly was having a blast. Candy was fun. So much fun that they were not looking at the clock and when they finally did, it was already a half hour since school ended. Lilly freaked. She hurried back to the school and there was no JoAnn. Lilly walked home alone.

When Lilly arrived at home, JoAnn was there, sitting on her front lawn. She had already gone home and checked in, then headed over to Lilly's. JoAnn wanted to know where she had been. Lilly told JoAnn, that time just got away from them. JoAnn told Lilly that she had to quit cutting school. Lilly acknowledged that she was feeling rather weird about not going back to school after lunch. She felt her whole routine was messed up and told JoAnn that she would quit skipping classes.

When Saturday came, Lilly and her family were going up to LA to visit her grandmother. They listened to the Dodger game all the way up there. It was nice to see her grandmother. They had a nice visit and stayed about four hours. Lilly was so tired on the way home she finally fell asleep. It had been a very long week.

Once they got home, her brothers already out of the car, her father woke her and told her they were home. Lilly got out as well. By the time she got in the house, she remembered it was Saturday and she didn't get the cut slip out of the mail. It was too late. Her mother had already opened it.

Her mother handed the tell all notice to her father. Boy was she in trouble. Lillly felt the blood drain from her face. Luckily, she was old enough that she didn't get whipped any more. Her mother asked why she had been skipping school. Lilly said, "I dunno." Her mother told her she was grounded for a month! A whole month. No going out at all. Lilly was, in a way, happy it was all out in the open now. Her father, who had always trusted her, was furious and asked her where she had been going during school. Lilly lied and said to the park near the school and to the beach. She didn't want to tell him about Candy's house or Candy's mom would surely get a call from Lilly's parents. That would be the end of the world for Lilly!

To be continued............

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Not Choices. Just a Rant

It is raining again. We have had a lot this season. It is so embarrassing to watch the local TV channels do "Storm Watch."
It rains a lot more in other locals but, we have to endure the local reporters out in the field in anticipation (Reminds me of Carly Simon and a ketchup commercial) of rain.

The poor reporters must be embarrassed too. They stand there and have to find something else to talk about. "Oh, yes Paul, the rain is coming, but while we wait, let us talk to this man." She grabs a guy off the street and says, "How do you feel about the rain that is coming?" The guy."Who gives a shit?" Oops, moving on the the next guy. "Sir, how do you feel about the rain that is coming?" "Well, I hate it, because I moved here for the sunshine." " There you have it folks" the reporter says. "Back to you Paul."

Next reporter. "I am standing in a flood zone. It is dry now, but when the rain gets here, this will be flooded and the roads will be cordoned off." Then they show footage of past flooding. "Back to you Paul."

Paul: "Let's bring in our favorite meteorologist and see when the rain will be here."

"Thanks Paul." "Uh, we might not see as much rain as we thought. The storm we thought was going to dump an inch in the coastal ranges, is falling apart and will likely dump most of its moisture in the ocean." "We now expect a quarter inch, but it will be very windy as the storm moves out."

Ok then. With today's technology, the powers that be still cannot predict the weather. How many different computer models do they have? I'll tell you. Too many. They run all the models and then decide which one is most likely true. Best two out of three, five out of seven? Maybe there are just too many models to choose from. How about two models? If they agree, that is our weather, If they don't agree, don't tell us it is going to rain!

When the weather people on the news come clean and say, "The NWS says, it is going to rain" they have a cover their ass forecast. Instead, they say, " It appears that we will have up to an inch of rain. But, I think we will have more." Unless they are actual meteorologists, and not just clowns, who think they are funny, I prefer not to hear it. Hell, I can go to the satellite loop and radar images myself and frankly, I am not a bad weather person! HAHA

It is said that Southern Californian's don't know how to drive in the rain. Embarrassing again.

Slow down when the roads are wet.....It is not rocket sicience!

Monday, April 25, 2005

Choices.......Part Five

Lilly was up all night thinking about the next day. She was very nervous about being alone with Jim and ditching a whole school day. She wondered what was going to happen, however, in the back of her head she knew. She knew that if she wanted to keep nineteen year old Jim around she would have to go to the next step. Touching. She was afraid there would be more, but Lilly put that thought right out of her head.

Next morning JoAnn and Lilly meet at the park. Lilly was a basket case. JoAnn assured her that he would never do anything she didn't want to do. JoAnn was going over too and that lessened the fear in Lilly, a bit.

Bob showed up in his blue Impala and the girls got in. They stopped at the store for some Strawberry Hill. It was 8:30 in the morning and they were going to drink already. Lilly was rather happy about that. The wine would calm her nerves. And she had the whole afternoon to sober up, before she had to go home. Lilly asked Bob where Jim was and he said he was cleaning their apartment. In reality, he was just getting out of bed.

They trio arrived at the apartment and Jim had the stereo playing. Lilly was feeling very grown up at her boyfriend's "apartment." She liked the way that felt.

The two couples sat around for a while listening to music, talking, laughing and drinking the wine. This time they had more wine than usual. Lilly was feeling very happy and was no longer nervous. JoAnn actually told Lilly that she was nervous and Lilly helped calm her. Told her to have another glass of wine.

About two hours after they arrived, JoAnn and Bob slipped away to his bedroom. Here it was, the big moment she so feared the night before. Jim was very nice to Lilly and asked if she needed anything. Lilly asked for some more wine. He gave it to her and sat down next to her on the couch. They began kissing and she really liked it. Even more than before. He slipped his hand up under her top and tried to push her hand toward his lap. He asked her to go into his room with him. Lilly was ready.

When they got in Jim's room, Lilly wondered why he didn't have any pictures on the walls and tried ask him about it. He put on an Eric Clapton record and told her he didn't want to talk anymore. Lilly was going to say no, but she couldn't resist.

They did it, they had sex. It was painful for Lilly. She didn't enjoy it at all. She felt horrible for giving in and the high from the wine had worn off. She didn't know what to do after they were done either. She was completely out of her league. She started to get up and Jim pulled her back toward him and told her to stay with him for a while. Finally, Jim told her it was time to get up, because he had things to do.

While they were getting dressed, Jim asked her how her first time was. Lilly told him that it hurt and she didn't enjoy it much. Jim told her that she would enjoy it more the next time. He told her she needed to learn what to do and not just lie there. Lilly was very angry and knew the next time, would not be with him.

Lilly would forever hate the song, "I Shot the Sheriff." It played while they were having sex and she would never forget it. Funny, she didn't remember the other songs on the album.

Lilly walked out of the bedroom and slammed the door. She was furious and very embarrassed. JoAnn was in the bathroom and Bob was sitting on the couch. He asked her if she was okay. Lilly said, No, and she told him that she hated Jim for telling her she just laid there. She told Bob she was only 14 and it was her first time and what the hell did Jim expect from her? Bob said he was sorry.

When JoAnn came out of the bathroom, she could see how upset Lilly was and asked Bob to drive them back to the park. They could go to Lilly's house until after school because her parents were at work. They could not hang out in the park for fear of a policeman driving by and picking them up and taking them back to school.

Jim came out of the bedroom all smiles and happy. Lilly didn't even want to speak to him. He grabbed her hand and told her he would like to see her again and tried to kiss her. She told him she never wanted to see him again and pulled away from him. When Jim asked her why? She said Bob could tell him when he got back. But, comeback queen that she was, she got in the last comment. She told him, Next time you have a ninth grader over, maybe you will want to give her a playbook before you take her into your bedroom. She walked out the door with JoAnn and Bob closely behind her.

The drive back to the park was very quiet. Lilly thought JoAnn must have enjoyed herself, because she was sitting very close to Bob and he had his arm around her. They would have to talk, Lilly thought.

Bob stopped at the park and Lilly got out and without saying a word, started walking home. She heard JoAnn tell Bob she had to go. He told her he would call her.

To be continued.........

Friday, April 22, 2005

Choices.....Part Four

Lilly ran around for hours trying to get ready for her date. She decided to wear her black Dittos and a fuzzy pink sweater. She loved her Dittos because they made her look smaller. She liked that. She curled her eyelashes, put on purple eyeliner that made her eyes look bluer, put on her Fresh Lash mascara and some lip gloss and contemplated her hair.

Her brown hair was long and very curly. Her hair had a mind of its own. She washed it earlier and put in up in a high pony tail and wrapped it around a huge roller. When her hair was dry she took it down, it was as straight as she could make it. She liked to have straight hair, like the surfer girls she went to school with. Parted down the middle and they could use their fingers on one hand and push the front hair back and it would fall back in their face. This could continue all day. Lilly thought that was cool. At some point she realized that it was truly a pain. She was stoked with the way her hair turned out. Hopefully, it would not be foggy that night. Otherwise, all that trouble would have been wasted and she would become Cinderella and her hair would return to curls.

Lilly had a lot of friends in the surfer girl group. They dressed in wrap around skirts and thongs, the shoe kind. At some point the skirts were declared "surfer skirts" by most of the other kids. Lilly had exactly two wrap skirts. One she actually made herself, which she loved.

The surfer girls were not actually surfers. They hung out at the beach and dated the surfer dudes. Lilly spent her summers at the beach too, but she never tanned like they did. And, she NEVER dated a surfer dude.

Lilly was drifting away from her old friends and was making new friends with the group who cut school and smoked pot. This was not good for her. And this is how she and JoAnn met Bob and Jim.

When Lilly started high school, she began cutting classes to hang out with her new friends. They crossed the street from the school and usually went to somebody's house that was nearby. One day they met Bob and Jim. Difference was that Bob and Jim were out of high school. Lilly discovered by accident, that the cut slips were sent home and arrived on Saturday. She made it her mission to get the mail every Saturday. Again, her parents didn't have a clue.

JoAnn met Lilly at the park again. They were both ready for their dates. They knew it could not be a late night. They talked about the touching thing, while waiting for Bob and Jim. JoAnn was not even nervous. Lilly was terrified.

Over the grass covered hill came Bob and Jim. They told the girls that they thought it would be an early night, so they got some Strawberry Hill and told the girls that they could just hang out at the park. Lilly was relieved. She knew there would not be any touching at the park.

Lilly was wrong. They sat in the night air drinking the wine. Laughing and talking. When the wine was gone and they were very buzzed, Bob suggested they go sit in the car and listen to the radio. Lilly froze. What? Why? Sit in the car? Her radar was going off. But, she went along. How could she not?

Bob and JoAnn got in the front seat again and Lilly and Jim got in the back. They started kissing. Lilly was pretty relaxed and enjoying herself, much to her surprise. Must have been the wine. Jim started to slip his hand under her sweater and Lilly jumped. She grabbed his hand and told Jim, NO. He told her that was all he was going to do. She again said, NO. They kept kissing and finally he did it. He put his hand under her sweater and she let him.

Lilly realized she liked the way it felt. The windows were all steamed up. That was good, nobody could see in. Lilly got a chill when she remembered the girls necking in the car when she was little and what her father had said. She became nervous and made Jim stop. She covered by saying that they should get home. All agreed.

This time Jim asked to see her again. At first Lilly was ecstatic. He said that he would like her to ditch school and come over to his apartment the next day. Lilly heard herself saying okay. They kissed one more time and Bob and Jim drove away.

To be continued......

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

Choices....Part Three

Finally the big day arrives. Saturday night. Lilly calls JoAnn to see what she is wearing and she said, hip hugger jeans and a shirt. Lilly gets dressed in a super cute pair of jeans and new turquoise sweater. She was so happy that the weather was finally cooling down and she could wear her recent purchase. She put on a pair of high heels, knowing that if she looked taller, she would look thinner. Lilly felt pretty.

Lilly met JoAnn at the park and waited for the blue Impala to come around the corner. Finally, Bob and Jim show up and ask the girls what they would like to do. Jim suggests they get some wine. Boonsefarm Strawberry Hill. Yum, says Lilly, always ready to party.

Lilly and JoAnn had been drinking during the summer they really got good at getting people to buy alcohol for them. Lilly didn't like the way some alcohol tasted, but she LOVED Strawberry Hill wine. JoAnn liked beer and settled for wine. They went with the guys to the nearby liquor store and Bob was able to buy the wine.

The four of them ended up going back to the beach and hanging out there, drinking all the way. They all removed their shoes and walked on the pier, then the beach for a while. Then they went to a more secluded area that was known for huge waves. Bob and JoAnn went for a walk on the beach and Lilly and Jim were left alone. Lilly was so nervous she could barely speak. She couldn't wait for Jim to kiss her again. She wasn't sure he was going to though, because he hadn't kissed her yet that evening. He hadn't even held her hand. She noticed that Bob and JoAnn were holding hands and was quite upset that Jim no longer liked her.

Not knowing what to say, she finally started to say the first thing that popped into her head and she was met with a long kiss. She could feel the butterflies in her stomach again. Wow. He liked her still! Lilly was so relieved that she forgot all about being nervous. It felt so good to be with Jim and have the attention paid to her. They kissed for a very long time and then started to talk again. They laughed when Lilly told Jim how nervous she was. He told her not to be nervous and that he enjoyed being with her or he wouldn't be there. Lilly could not argue with that.

Bob and JoAnn came back with their hair a mess. Lilly knew what they had been doing. More than kissing she thought. She would get the details from JoAnn later. But now it was time to start back to the park. It was almost 11 and the girls had to be home by 11:30. They had told their parents they were going to the movies and would probably be seeing more than one.

On the way back, Bob drove with JoAnn sitting next to him and he had his arm around her. Lilly and Jim were kissing again, in the back seat. Lilly wanted to ask when she would see him again, but didn't want to feel pushy. Besides, the kissing would stop soon and talking would have taken too much time. Lilly never wanted the evening to end. But, it did.

They said their goodbyes to each other and both girls headed home. JoAnn in one direction and Lilly in the other. They had already planned to call each other before the date. Had to pick it up on one ring so the parents didn't know.....

Lilly was afraid to walk in the house. She had been drinking and didn't want to get caught. She managed to walk in the door and say hi and head straight to her room undisturbed, as usual. Not much supervision. Just the way the almost fifteen year old liked it too.

Lilly waited for the phone to ring and answered it quickly, listening quietly, wondering, if her parents had heard. Not a word. She and JoAnn were just giddy as could be. Lilly asked JoAnn what she did with Bob and she told her that she let him feel under her shirt. Lilly's mouth dropped open and she had a hard time whispering. Lilly asked JoAnn what it felt like. JoAnn replied that it was hard to describe, but she liked it. That made Lilly nervous. Kissing was one thing, but touching scared her. She asked JoAnn if she would have to do it too, with Jim. JoAnn told her that at some point she would if she wanted him to hang around. He was nineteen after all.

Lilly and JoAnn hung up. Lilly put the "touching" part out of her head and just thought about how nice the evening was with the wine and especially the kissing. She also thought about how lucky she was, because she didn't get caught.

Early the next morning, JoAnn called and Lilly's brother woke her up for the phone. She yelled at him for being a jerk and went to the phone. It was JoAnn. In all the excitement of talking about their night, she had forgotten tell Lilly that Bob and Jim would be at the park again that very night. OMG, Lilly thought. She asked JoAnn, What am I going to wear? JoAnn was more worried about how to get out of the house again, on a school night. They realized they would just have to make it an earlier night. They decided to tell their parents that they would be at another friend's house to study. That should work. Their parents trusted them. They didn't have a clue.....

To be continued.......

Tuesday, April 19, 2005


My friend Jana gave me the name WifeBear. I have been called a lot of things over the years, but I loved that name....Thanks Jana.

You will have to wait for tomorrow for the next chapter in the Choices story. Not enough time today.... Well, maybe, not sure yet. Katharine actually wants to eat before rehearsal. Got a roast in the crock pot, should be done now...

Today was sad to remember Oklahoma City from ten years ago. I had a cousin and his wife in the building. She went back up two times to get men who were trapped and badly hurt. She was only there cuz one of her friends was having a baby shower that day. Normally she would have already been out in the field. She went to the other side of the building for something and the bomb went off. All that were at the baby shower and many others were killed. She is a small woman and she literally carried the men, one at a time, over her shoulder all the way down. She was going back up again when my cousin found her covered in blood and she was unaware of how badly injured she was.

Now has short term memory loss, some paralysis and will never work again. There is a lot more to the story, but you get the gist. Bad for all, the survivors, our country.

The Pope was elected today. Whoopy. Preempted my shows. I suppose that is a good thing for some people though.....

A GOOD thing that happened today was I lost another 2.8 pounds. Almost 15 in three weeks now....

Monday, April 18, 2005

Choices....part two

Lilly was a very funny girl. Quick witted and comeback queen. She got that way by using it as a defense mechanism. Being overweight and teased, she needed to do something to make her "fit" in. She had a lot of friends and they adored her. Always laughing and having fun. Never knowing deep down how she felt. The real her.

Brothers only. When she was younger she got to stay out later than most of the neighborhood girls and played a lot of hide n seek with her brothers. Most of the girls had to go in when the street lights came on! Lots of baseball and other sports, even jumping off a neighbor's roof onto a mattress. Lilly became quite the tomboy.

By the time she was nine, she was cooking dinner for the family, and it was also her job to come home from school each day and make the ice tea and sweep the kitchen floor. All the kids had chores to do. Her parents both worked and the family waited til her mother got home, often times late, to eat dinner together. Mostly, Lilly was happy then. Being unsupervised most of the time was a treat to her. And it showed that she could be trusted in her eyes.

When Lilly was in the fifth grade, her family moved. Only about twenty five miles from where she was born and raised. She saw a friend from the old neighborhood every so often, until not at all.

New house, brand new, just built. Two story with a fireplace. Her bedroom was the best thing in the house to Lilly though. It had double doors that she would open the way Doris Day did on her show. Lilly felt so rich with her Doris Day doors!

A new school too. Her fifth grade class started late. She was able to watch All My Children before she went to school. Black and white, only a half hour and Erica was only about eighteen.

Lilly's teacher was a real live Hippy. Short skirts and very long dark hair. Miss Parker lived on a peninsula and had a boyfriend with very long hair as well. She let Lilly's class watch Sesame Street for fun. It was new back then too. Lilly made new friends easily. She was enjoying her new school. It was also a time when girls were only allowed to wear dresses or skirts. By sixth grade pants were okay, but only on rainy days.

In her new neighborhood there were kids everywhere. As more and more houses were finished, more families moved in. Lilly met JoAnn. She actually lived in one of the model homes and it came with all the furniture. Lilly loved going to her house. She had a beautiful pool and it had water shooting out of sides about every two feet. Lilly thought she had it made, but JoAnn really did.

JoAnn and Lilly became inseparable. JoAnn was the sister Lilly never had. She shared almost everything with JoAnn.

As Lilly got older and started liking boys, it was a very difficult time for her. She never said how sad she was that boys didn't like her back. She just continued the pretense.

When she got kissed by Jim with a promise to see each other again, it was the happiest she could ever recall being. Of course she would not tell her parents, for one reason he was too old and she was sure they would not want her to date because she was too young....

When Lilly was eight she was watching out the window of her house one evening and saw the teenage girls across the street. They were "necking" with boys in cars and her father told her she had better never do that or she would be in big trouble. She took it to heart and vowed to NEVER bring home boyfriends.

It was a week before Lilly and JoAnn finally got a call from the guys. They were going to meet again. Lilly was thrilled and could hardly wait.

To be continued..........

Sunday, April 17, 2005


Fourteen years old and out late with a friend and boys/men of nineteen. Parents are at home, tired from work, blissfully unaware what she is doing.

Her parents work hard and trust their daughter Lilly. She says, "I will be at JoAnn's house." They believe her. Afterall, she has been responsible for years already, and does well in school. No reason to think she would ever lie.

The guys pick up the girls at the prearranged time in Jim's blue Chevy Impala. A park near their home. They had met these guys a while back and JoAnn was sort of "dating" one of them, Bob. Why not go along with them? They knew them. And not only were they old enough to drive, but they had a car!

They go to the beach and hang out and drink, among other things, and have the best time. A real first kiss for Lilly, by a guy who could be a real first boyfriend. At fourteen, she thinks that is just the best thing that can happen to her. She is so excited. Butterflies in her stomach kind of excited. Kissed under the moonlight on the sandy beach with waves roaring loudly. Just like in the movies.

While JoAnn was a beautiful girl with a great figure, Lilly, also pretty, was heavy. She never thought she was worthy of getting a cool guy like Jim. But, on that night, she did. She would definitely see him again.

Their "dates" end at the same park they departed from. Both girls return to their homes and call each other as soon as they can. Excited, beyond excited. BOYFRIENDS! OMG. Who could believe it? So lucky to be "chosen," or so Lilly thinks.

Too be continued............

Sunday Morning

It's foggy this morning. Not the drippy fog, but the fog that impares viewing the mountains and ocean this morning. I am wearing three layers, two sweaters and I am still cold. I have had several cups of coffee and it helps somewhat. Most people would not consider 50 degrees cold, but out here on my office/deck, or perch as my husband David would say, it is.

Charlie is out of his night time crate and has been fed. The birds are tweeting away and are fat and happy. A hummer was taking fur from the carpeted cat habitrail and using it for a nest, undoubtedly. Nature here is wonderful. Red tailed hawks nesting and crows trying to get at them. Loud.

Morning has broken. Time to wake Katharine. She is a docent at the tide pools today for the third Sunday. Girl Scouts, trying to finish earning their bronze award. Next Sunday is the last day for this! Yippee.

She has been spending her Saturdays rehearsing for Pippi Longstocking. Rehearsals during the week too. She LOVES everything about acting. Only 12, but has known for years that she wants to be an actress. She loves to sing too. She will succeed at whatever she chooses. Shows at the end of the month. All very exciting, her first "real' play.

Zoe has been reading as usual. 13,000 pages or so lately. She keeps track. Writes beautiful poetry. Holds a lot in I think and lets it out thru her poetry. Anime nut too. Loves the Japanese songs as well. Would like to learn Japanese.

Both solid A students and always have been. We are very lucky for that. Cuz, their homework is too hard for me!!! Can't believe Zoe will be in high school next year. Time flies is not a lie.

They went to see the King and I last night and didn't get to bed til 1:00. Can't wait to hear the groan when I wake her. Have put it off long enough. Here I go......