Day Eighteen

Today is day eighteen. Eighteen days since I have had a cigarette. A nasty habit that I have hidden from several people over the years. My family knew and my friends as well. I didn't smoke in front of a lot of the girl's friends or their mothers though. I was embarrassed and didn't want to embarrass my girls either.

I quit years ago, back in the early eighties. It wasn't cool to smoke anymore and I just quit. Cold turkey. Before patches. I didn't smoke for many years and one day my best friend and I went to the bar where we worked. I had the key and the owner/friend was out of town. My friend and I went in and locked the door. We turned on all the TVs and music and had ourselves a day at the bar. It was an official holiday and the bar was closed, but not to my friend and me. She smoked and I started again that day. I am not the type who can have just one or smoke for the day and then stop the next.

A couple of years later, I quit. I got pregnant. My girls are sixteen months apart and I didn't smoke during the pregnancies or nursing either girl for thirteen months each. Then I began again. I never smoked in the house. I always went outside to smoke.



I did the same thing here. Always out on the deck with my computer and smokes. I haven't been out on my deck much in the last eighteen days. I have been out there maybe three times for a little while at a time, trying to break the habit that I needed a smoke in the ashtray as I typed.

My friend quit more than four months ago and we have been a support system for each other. Plus the websites that tell the benefits of not smoking and how things change from 8 hours after the last cigarette to years after. It has been surprisingly helpful. My friend has been too. She knew I was getting myself in quitting mode and she didn't preach. She knew it would only work when I was ready.

It has been a very difficult thing to do. I don't think I will ever smoke again. I am feeling better and having less cravings every day. I still want to smoke a cigarette at times, however, I can feel that I am done and that I don't want to start over after making it for a whopping eighteen days. I am proud of myself for finally quitting. Hopefully for life.