Choices.........Part Nine

Lilly was scared. She realized that she was probably pregnant. She knew that she could not go to her parents. Especially her father. He had told her when she was little that he better not see her necking in the cars like the girls in her old neighborhood. She truly believed she would be whipped or worse for getting pregnant. Her parents didn't even know that she was with a guy, as she vowed never to bring one home.

Lilly thought about telling JoAnn. She decided it wouldn't be a good idea. She was embarrassed and ashamed. Jim didn't even care about her. She felt like such a loser. She would think about what to do later.

Lilly continued going to school, until one day she felt like she was going to pass out. She was walking down the long street to school. It was a couple of miles of block wall on one side and a sewer ditch on the other. A very boring street, with nothing to look at, and heavy traffic. As she got about halfway to school, which was at the end of the block wall, she felt like she was going to throw up. She turned around and headed home.

When she got home, her mother was still there. She asked why she was home and Lilly told her she felt like she was going to faint and wanted to come home. Her mother was very unhappy. She told Lilly that she would drive her to school. Lilly protested and her mother told her she didn't believe her story. She did get to stay home though.

Lilly decided that her mother would really hate her if she knew the truth. Lilly went back to bed and watched TV. Her father was home, but sleeping. He worked swing shift and would leave about noon to go to work. When Lilly realized he didn't even know she was there, she figured it would work out to her advantage.

For a couple of months when Lilly felt ill, she went home and slipped upstairs to her room. She made no noise until her father left. She started taking the cut slips out of the mail again.

Finally Lilly didn't feel so ill in the mornings anymore. But her clothes were all too tight and she began wearing smock tops and thought she could hide her growing belly. She figured she was about four months along now. She was scared, but every time she thought about it, she put it out of her head. She felt she was doing a good job of hiding her belly, since none of her friends had said anything and neither had her family.

Lilly continued to go to her classes. She continued to go to the park and occasionally cut school after lunch with her friends. She was keeping her grades up as well. She was trying to be as normal as possible.

One day she ran into Bob, Jim's friend and Bob noticed. All this time and Lilly was despondent that he could tell. He asked if the baby was Jim's and Lilly quickly blurted out, "No, of course not." Bob said he was relieved because the last thing Jim needed was a kid! Apparently he was still with the person he began dating after her, and she would not like Lilly carrying her boyfriend's baby.

Lilly rushed home and didn't want to go out ever again. She had not seen a doctor, nobody, but Bob, knew she was pregnant and she didn't know what she was going to do. She managed to almost convince herself that it wasn't happening.

When Lilly was past what she figured was six months along, she was really uncomfortable. The baby was kicking up a storm. She would go to the park until her mother left and then go home and go upstairs to her room. When her father left for work, she would eat and was usually starving by that time.

One day Lilly's mother told her she would have to go on a diet. Her mother had noticed she had put on weight and wearing a lot of the same clothes day after day. Lilly just said, "okay."

The diet consisted of hotdogs with out buns and fruits and vegetables. Nothing wonderful. Lilly started emptying her purse and going to the neighborhood liquor store for candy and snacks. She will fill her purse and go home and eat everything, alone in her bedroom.

Except for the mornings going to the store and the occasional school day, Lilly stopped going out completely. One night her mother yelled up to her that the phone was for her. It was Judy Nelson. She recognized her voice instantly. Judy said, " Hey Lilly, are you pregnant?" and hung up the phone. Lilly stood there with the phone in her hand, paralyzed with fear. The room was dark and she could barely make her way back to her bedroom. She shut the door behind her and burst into tears. She cried for hours and hours. She really had to deal with this. But how?

To be continued...............